I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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