i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
