I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't deserve a penis
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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