your thong is hanging out like whoa
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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