Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize