I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
