I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize