I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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