so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
