You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
