god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
