i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
