I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
