I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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