Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think I won the penis lottery.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
