This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
