That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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