I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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