I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
