3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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