I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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