Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
