1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize