I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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