I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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