Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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