You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
