if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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