3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
