Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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