I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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