Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize