Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i've created a new STD.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
