he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
