you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize