TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
