Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
