So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
