you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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