Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
