All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
