Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
