he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
