OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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