Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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