I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
