I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
