the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
