Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
