would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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