sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
