I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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