hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize