Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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