I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I need a beard to bite.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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