dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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