She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize