she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
