Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
