i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize