Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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