I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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