How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
