I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
