It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
dude. I can hear the air.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize