At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
