I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
