your parents love me but you hate me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Someone signed my nipple.
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