I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
