We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
