He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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